Thursday, December 22, 2005

Because I've nothing else to do...

but the scarily brilliant and wry Phila tagged me with an Internet "questionnaire," the answers to which will, I'm sure, fascinate you with their relevance and wit.

Seven Things To Do Before I Die

1. Kick George Bush in the groin . . . really, really, really hard.
2. Sneak up on Dick Cheney, direct several satellite dishes at him, and yell BOOO!
3. Buy the last pair of Ferragamos out from under Condi Rice's greedy paws.
4. Wish Pat Fitzgerald a happy birthday . . . IN THE NUDE! (Either one of us is okay, preferably both)
5. Learn how to do a handstand.
6. Win one meeeeeeeeeeeeellion dollars!
7. Sleep all day.

Seven Things I Cannot Do

1. Explain the laws of thermodynamics.
2. Give up coffee.
3. Vote Republican.
4. Bend spoons with my mind.
5. Understand the appeal of Michael Jackson to grown women.
6. Fathom why Rita Cosby is on the air.
7. Stop fantasizing about Pat Fitzgerald.

Seven Things That Attract Me to...Blogging

1. The blogwhoring.
2. The blogpimping.
3. It always knows just the right thing to say.
4. It's as light as a feather!
5. It doesn't leave the bed unmade or dishes in the sink.
6. The ability to offend as many people as is humanly possible without resorting to violence.
7. It's free.

Seven Things I Say Most Often

1. "Oh, fuck me."
2. "Oh, fuck off."
3. "Oh, fuck you."
4. "Well, THAT was unexpected."
5. "Whachoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
6. "Yeah, riiiight."
7. "A bear and a stick? WTF?"

Seven Books That I Love

1. The Complete Works of Dorothy Parker
2. Pride & Prejudice - Jane Austen
3. The Epson CX6600 User's Manual. Not that I understand it.
4. Empire Falls - Richard Russo
5. Budding Prospects - T.C. Boyle
6. Roget's Thesaurus
7. Persuasion - Jane Austen

Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again

1. Lord of the Rings
2. The Two Towers
3. Return of the King
4. Animal House
5. Raiders of the Lost Ark
6. Young Frankenstein
7. Eddie Izzard - Dressed to Kill

Seven People I Want To Join In Too

Well, it goes without saying that I want Dr. Atta J. Turk, Podiatrist to the Stars to join in. And I'd invite Holden, Owner of Ponies, NTodd, Wearer of No Pants, Hecate Malificent, Owner of Hermes Scarves, The Serene RMJ, the Pointy-Eared Spocko's Brain, and the irrepressible Kenosha Kid.