Monday, February 28, 2005

"Sometimes I feel like I'm

tiiiied to the whippin' post, tiiiiiiiied to the whippin' post...."

Taking a page out of Rove's playbook

Come on, Ah-nuld. Come up with your own methods of deception:

Calif. Gov. Meal-Break Video Sickens Labor

By STEVE LAWRENCE, Associated Press Writer

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - A Schwarzenegger administration video packaged like a TV news story is promoting regulations that give workers the choice of taking a meal break or going home early — and has labor leaders and one lawmaker outraged.

Democratic Assemblyman Paul Koretz suggested Monday the video violated a ban on spending tax money to produce propaganda — and said he would ask the attorney general's office to investigate.

Koretz claimed at least five TV stations ran the video verbatim.

"If a television station is lazy enough just to take this video (and run it), it completely manipulates and skews the story," Assemblyman Paul Koretz said.

A spokesman for the Schwarzenegger administration, Rick Rice, said the video was "just a news release."

"We don't think this is political ... nor is it propaganda," he added. "It's just a news release on an issue the labor unions are completely opposed to."

The proposed regulations are an interpretation of a law mandating an employer must provide at least a 30-minute meal break in the first five hours of an employee's shift.

The video includes a suggested introduction by the news anchor and interviews with a restaurant manager, grower, forklift supervisor and an administration official. There's no comment in the video from anyone opposed to the regulations.

Koretz and labor representatives said the wording of the regulations could lead to "a lot of opportunity for mischief" by employers.

"If the employer says, 'Nobody around here really takes their meal period; we all just kind of like to work through lunch,' the worker who wants to take their meal period is going to feel intimidated," said Barry Broad, a lobbyist for several labor unions.

"Who's my wittle monkey?

Who's my wittle monkey-pet? You go get those bad obscenities!"

Well, since Bush is having a hard time

getting his Social Security pillaging past the American people, it's time to talk to them about something they understand --

TERROR!

Bin Laden Enlisting Al-Zarqawi for Attacks

By LARA JAKES JORDAN and KATHERINE SHRADER, Associated Press Writer

"WASHINGTON - New intelligence indicates that Osama bin Laden is enlisting Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, his top operative in Iraq, to plan potential attacks on the United States, federal officials said Monday."

TERROR! TERROR!

"Al-Zarqawi has been involved in attacks in the Middle East. He has not been known to have set his sights on America.

The Homeland Security Department issued a classified bulletin to officials over the weekend about the intelligence, which spokesman Brian Roehrkasse described as "credible but not specific." The intelligence was obtained over the past several weeks, the officials said."

TERROR! TERROR! TERROR!

The government has no immediate plans to raise its national terror alert level, Roehrkasse said. But, he said, the intelligence "reiterates the desire by al-Qaida and its associates to target the homeland."

(snip)

AI-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE! BROWN PEOPLE WANT TO KILL US! TERROR!



Be afraid. Be very afraid.

An Oscars Fashion Moment

Johnny, you know that I love you, but what the hell were you thinking?

Today's Clarification

According to Josh Marshall, Lieberman is not renewing his membership in reality:

. . . every sign I see tells me that Sen. Lieberman is looking to cut a deal of some sort with Sen. Lindsey Graham 
(R) of South Carolina and thus with the White House. It would be a kinder, gentler phase-out [of Social Security]. But phase-out just the same.


Therefore, I feel it is incumbent upon me to provide the following clarification:

This is Joe Lieberman:




And this is a spine:



Any questions?

Insert favorite simian warning call

or just click here

He just wants to be loved.

Raw Story links to yet another whiny interview with JimmyJeff, who simply repeats himself and makes vague references to nameless attorneys.

Well, now that THAT's already decided...

Joe Biden says Hillary Clinton's the Democratic nominee for 2008.

Guess I can just kick back now and watch the Republicans win with Jeb Bush.

Haaaaaay-zeus.

Does this qualify as "cow-tipping"?

Man Accused of Having Relations With Cows

NEILLSVILLE, Wis. - A 63-year-old man is charged with sexual gratification with an animal for allegedly having sex with calves.

Harold G. Hart, of Neillsville, allegedly told police that he routinely stopped at a Greenwood farm, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville.

A criminal complaint filed in Clark County Circuit Court said the farm's owners installed a motion detector on Jan. 22 after regularly seeing footprints and vehicle tracks on their land. Around 4 a.m. the next morning, a sensor sounded and Hart was caught leaving the barn, but Hart allegedly said he just used a bathroom in the barn and had never been there before.

Hart told police he had sex with heifers before he went into the service in 1963 and resumed about a year ago at the farm. He admitted to using a rope to tie calves around the neck and estimated he had been to the farm "at least 50 times," according to the complaint.

He told police he never had sex with animals while maintaining a relationship with his a girlfriend or his wife, the complaint said.

Hart also is charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of obstructing an officer. Each charge carries up to nine months in jail.

Hart is scheduled to appear in court March 10.

"Call me 'Francis',

and I'll kill ya...."

Sunday, February 27, 2005

We're gonna party like it's 1399!

U.S. Pushes U.N. on Abortion Declaration

By EDITH M. LEDERER, Associated Press Writer

UNITED NATIONS - Ten years after a landmark U.N. conference adopted a platform aimed at global equality for women, the United States is demanding that a declaration issued by a follow-up meeting make clear that women are not guaranteed a right to abortion.

More infuriation here

Those wiley Iraqi terrorists

posing as silent screen movie stars. Have they no shame?

The Gates Redux

Christo and Jeanne Claude's "The Gates" comes down tonight. All materials will be recycled.





"Heh heh, move outta the way,

Laura, they're here to see me."

President Bush Action Figure

From the 'If He's Religious, Then I'm a Freakin' Nun' presidential action doll series: the "Sunday Morning Services Bush" doll.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Well, THAT explains a lot.

Scott Simon confessing on the radio that he likes Andrew Lloyd Weber's music.

Good on ya, NJ

The NY state legislature is looking to force insurance companies that cover Viagra prescriptions to extend (no pun) coverage to women's birth control prescriptions.

From The Bergen Record.

Friday, February 25, 2005

You know what?

It's the "guaranteed to make users happy" part I find a little weird.

Happy toilets head Malaysia's way

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) -- -- A Malaysian state will soon build public toilets equipped with piped music and newspapers for people to enjoy while using the bathroom.

Officials in the northeastern state of Kelantan announced that "Happy and Healthy Toilets" would be built in popular spots, with facilities "guaranteed to make users happy," Malaysia's national news agency Bernama reported.

State public administration official Takiyuddin Hassan said the toilets, to be completed within three months, would have newspapers so that "users can keep up with current issues while performing their business, while being entertained by music."

People would also need to wear special slippers provided in the toilets to maintain hygiene, Takiyuddin was quoted as saying by Bernama.

It was not clear how many such toilets would be constructed.

Pauvre Michael Jackson, Part II

WOMAN'S FAMILY THREATENS TO SUE JACKSON

Accommodating a flu-stricken Michael Jackson contributed to the death of an elderly heart patient, according to members of the woman's family who on Friday threatened to sue the pop star and the hospital.

The family of Manuela Gomez Ruiz, 74, told ABC's "Good Morning America" that the grandmother was relocated from Marian Medical Center's primary trauma room to a smaller room so that Jackson could have the larger room. Ruiz was being treated Feb. 15 for a heart attack, the family said, and died the same day after two more heart attacks following her move.

Members of Ruiz's family said they have hired an attorney and plan to sue the hospital and Jackson.

Maria Elena Ortiz said she objected to her mother being moved after Jackson was admitted.

"Why does she have to be moved if he's coming in for a stomach flu?" Ortiz told ABC. "I said, 'My mother just had a heart attack and I think it's more critical than a stomach flu.' They didn't say anything."

The hospital offered condolences to Ruiz's family, but in a statement said patient privacy laws and hospital rules prevented more specific comment.

"We are confident, however, that our patients have and continue to receive high-quality, compassionate and timely care," the statement said.

Jackson publicist Raymone Bain blasted the "Good Morning America" report.

"It is outrageous that Michael Jackson's name would be invoked into a situation of which he had no authority or control," Bain said. "He was a patient himself."

In the statement, the singer also offered condolences to Ruiz's family.
(Reported by AP)

"Get yer filthy hands off me,

you damned dirty ape."

"Oh, dear god,

did I just say 'nice phallus' out loud?"

"Sing to me, oh

great god Qetzlcoatl! Sing to me like Rob Zombie does!"



(edited, but have no idea how do to do strikethrough)

Little Big Cat Blogging

oh, dear.

A fine distinction.

This is "Joe Gannon":



and this is "Jeff Gannon':



Any questions?

"C'mon, lemme just have a little tug."

Dude has some major "personal space/touch" issues.

Additional Friday big cat-blogging

It's Hercules, the liger. A big kitty.

Thank god whoever made this

had the . . . good taste . . . NOT to make Charles a tampon:

Friday catblogging

well, since I don't have a cat:

Additional Clarification:

This is Joe Lieberman:



This is Henry Gibson:



Any questions?

Thursday, February 24, 2005

The two sides:

His side:

"For a while now, I've felt like Pooty's been drifting away from me. I know I can be kinda controlling sometimes, but he always said he wanted what was best for both of us. He used to like makin' me happy, but now, it's like he's less interested in my needs."



His side:

"The man is an officious, sanctimonious asshole of a control freak who has completely destroyed everything he's touched, including this relationship. I mean, please. I especially hate it when he tries to bully me by standing too close and not giving me my space. I want out and I want out now. "

"Can this marriage

be saved?"*




* with apologies to Ladies' Home Journal.

Well, not really.

"Hmmm hmmm hmmm...

Nun liebe Kinder gebt fein acht
ich bin die Stimme aus dem Kissen
ich hab euch etwas mitgebracht
hab es aus meiner Brust gerissen.."

Oh, meee-OW!

Look into my soul now, bitch!

Fox News. We don't report the facts,

we create 'em.

Fact Writer
Publication or Company  Fox News Channel
Industry  Television
Salary
Benefits
Job Duration Full Time
Job Location New York, NY USA
Job Requirements Fact Writer

FOX News Channel, a fast-paced 24-hour television news operation in New York City, is seeking a Fact Writer for its information center.

Responsibilities include writing on-air facts and press conference quotes for daytime programming.

Individuals must have strong writing skills, be able to handle multiple assignments and deadlines, and work well in a team atmosphere. Excellent communication and writing skills are also required.

A successful candidate will:

· possess a strong interest in news and be well-informed about current events
· be detail oriented and pay close attention to spelling, grammar, syntax
· have ability to write in a concise, conversational and colorful style at an extremely fast pace

Must be willing to work on a flexible schedule including weekend shifts.

This is a high-pressure position where your work product gets national exposure on a daily basis.

A bachelor's degree is required.

Fox News Channel is an EOE

Interested applicants please send resume to:

Fox News Channel HR
1211 Avenue of the Americas
2nd Floor
New York, NY 10036
Fax: 212-301-8588

Email: Resumes@foxnews.com
Contact Human Resources
Address New York, NY USA

Fax 212-301-8588


[Thanks to Bill for the tip. And check out his band, dammit - click on Provan under "Musical Interlude"]

Good on ya, Queens.

You rebuffed Mall*Wart's attempts to build in the county.

Wal*Mart says it is looking for somewhere else to build in NYC. Hey guys, there's a big open space over on the West Side of Manhattan -- why don't you bid about...oooh....$1 billion for it?

Slovak Republic P.M. Dzurinda

explains the genesis of an idiot dictator:

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Bush explains the "reacharound"

to a thoroughly disgusted Gerhard Schroeder.

Did he fall down and go

boom again? What's the redness on his left cheek (on his face, damn you)?

"Horst, don't forget to

piss in Bush's cabbage soup."

Let's see...

So that's Iran, Syria, China--and now Russia--on the Enemies List. How many more countries is this jackass intent on pissing off?

Bush to Press Putin on Democracy in Russia

By Steve Holland

BRATISLAVA (Reuters) - President Bush will urge Vladimir Putin to "renew his commitment to democracy," U.S. officials said, in a Thursday meeting that could bring a new confrontational tone to U.S.-Russian relations.

(snip)

No wonder Bush stopped

at the Wiesbaden army base. All those shaved heads!

"I can't get me enough

Rammstein!"

A picture truly is worth 1,000 words.

Shame most of them here would be "what a fucking idiot."

"Just practicing

my goosestep. Nothing to see here."

"Ha ha, non monsieur,

grabbing a man's crotch is considered a bad touch in France. Ah ha ha."

Itchin' for a fight.

Can't Bush give it a rest for one fucking minute?

Bush says Iraq row is over, but warns of dispute over China embargo

BRUSSELS (AFP) - US President George W. Bush declared that deep divisions with Europe over Iraq had been laid to rest, but said plans to lift an EU arms ban on China spelled serious trouble for transatlantic ties.

He also delivered a mixed message to allies worried that he is mulling military action against Tehran, saying: "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous."

"Having said that, all options are on the table."

After back-to-back NATO and European Union summits, Bush was to leave Brussels Wednesday to patch up relations with German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder and meet with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Slovakia.

Bush hailed pledges by all 26 NATO members to help train the Iraqi forces he says will eventually replace US soldiers, but signalled that Washington might take punitive steps against the EU if it ends the weapons ban on China.

(snip)

Watertiger Roar of Thanks

to NTodd, Thersites, Eli, Jeffraham Prestonian, and Stranger for the blogroll help.

To me, reading Javascript is like that Gary Larson cartoon about what people say to cats, and what cats hear.

Grand Marnier brownies for you all!

I have no caption for this.

I just thought it was really funny, in a surreal way.



Thanks to Eschatonian GWPDA for the sideways heads up.

Clarification

This is Joe Lieberman:




This is Ray Walston, aka "Uncle Marty":




Any questions?

I'm starting to suspect

that maybe he's hiding a WMD in his pants. And I don't mean that in a good way.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

"I'll take 'Great Moments

In International Political Blunders' for $200, Alex."

Monkey in the middle.

"Mais non! HE called you 'merde du chien!'"

Tech help.

Do any of you out there use blogrolling.com for your blogrolls? I freakin' upgraded so I could categorize the blogs, and then they all freakin' disappeared.

I'm sure I've carked up some setting, and I've tried to contact the website for support, but they're not responding.

'Peciate yer help.

Today's money shot.

'nuff said.

Well, now we know where that missing Iraqi money went.

RNC Holds 6 Times More Cash Than Dems

By SHARON THEIMER, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - The Republican National Committee began the month with a 6-to-1 financial advantage over its Democratic counterpart, with $16.5 million in the bank compared to the Democratic National Committee's $2.6 million.

The RNC raised $10.5 million in January, according to its monthly report to the Federal Election Commission. The GOP spent $8.7 million, including a $1 million transfer to Senate Republicans' fund-raising committee and nearly $1 million in telemarketing, according to an analysis by Political Money Line, a nonpartisan campaign finance tracking service.

The DNC raised $4.1 million last month, based on its FEC report. It spent $7.6 million, including a donation of $1.5 million to Virginia Lt. Gov. Timothy Kaine's campaign for governor and a $1 million transfer to the Senate Democrats' fund-raising committee.

The disparity between the two national committees in January fund raising illustrates the benefit President Bushs re-election to the White House can have day to day for his party. However, all is not lost for new DNC Chairman Howard Dean; in the last election cycle, though behind early on, the Democratic National Committee eventually exceeded the RNC in contributions by several million dollars.

Among other party committees filing January reports this week:

_ The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, which raises money for House Democrats, began February with $11 million in debt from last year's elections. It had $1.5 million in the bank as this month began. The DCCC raised $1.5 million and spent $1.7 million in January.

_ The National Republican Congressional Committee, the House GOP's fund-raising committee, reported $2 million on hand. It raised $4.6 million and spent $5.8 million last month. The spending included $3.5 million on phone banks.

"Il est plus stupide

comme les burettes du chat."

"S'il vous plait, mais qu'est-ce que pensez-vous il mangera pour diner ce soir?"

"Heh heh heh, what are you guys sayin'?"