Sunday, July 31, 2005

Scaaaaaaaaaary.

Just one step away...


AP Photo/ Haraz N. Ghanbar

(Boy Scouts giving the Preznit the "Boy Scout salute")

Oy. But which one is filled

with more hot air?


AP/Lawrence Jackson

"As the sun set, Bush told the crowd that the first man he often sees every morning, chief of staff Andy Card, is a former Scout from Massachusetts; Vice President Dick Cheney was a Boy Scout in Wyoming; and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was an Eagle Scout in Illinois."

And Bush? Camp as a fuckin' jamboree, as they say Down Under.

The President of the He-Man Woman Haters Club

Senator Alfalfa.

From This Week with George Stephanopolous:

STEPHANOPOULOS: Let's get specific here, name one or two of these radical feminists who are on this crusade.

SANTORUM: Well, I mean, uh, you know, you have, you go, you go back to, um, ah, what's her name, well, Gloria Steinem, but I'm trying to remember, ah, [tsk], eh, can't remember the woman's name. That's terrible—anyway...

STEPHANOPOULOS: Well, that's kind of an important point. You point this broad brush ... radical feminists, village elders ... name one.

SANTORUM: (talking over Stephanopoulos) There's lots of, there's lots of, well, Gloria Steinem, there's one.*


AP Photo/ABC News, Linda Spillers

"Women are ICKY! I hate 'em, hate 'em, HATE 'EM!"



* courtesy of www.catch.com

Y'know what would be nice?

A world in which we didn't NEED bullets.

Military Studying 'Green' Bullet

By JAY LINDSAY

BOURNE, Mass. - Army officials at Camp Edwards believed they were being eco-friendly when they started using a "green bullet" that contains no lead — a move meant to prevent polluting an aquifer beneath the base.

But six years later, after a million rounds have been fired at the base's shooting ranges, new information suggests the green bullets may not be much better for the environment than the lead ones.

"It's frustrating," Col. William FitzPatrick of the National Guard's Environmental Readiness Center said Thursday. "You're doing what you think are the right things. As science evolves, you wonder, 'Am I in front of the curve, or behind?'"

The green bullets are made of nylon and tungsten, a metal that supposedly does not seep into ground as quickly as lead. That's important because the aquifer below the base supplies upper Cape Cod with drinking water.

Everybody else has Amazon wish lists.

I wish I did, too. But who'd buy me that 15-piece All-Clad™ Professional kitchen set?

(scuffs foot in the dirt.)

President Howdy

It would seem this is the only part of the job he continually needs to practice. God knows, he's got the "Doody" part down real good.


REUTERS/Chris Kleponis

tricky. . . .

REUTERS/Chris Kleponis


AP/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

"It could be the bird, y'know."

AP/Pablo Martinez Monsivais


REUTERS/Chris Kleponis

"wait, foot forward, hand...damn, this is hard."

REUTERS/Chris Kleponis

Saturday, July 30, 2005

"WAAAH! He's touching me!

Get him off! Get him off me!"


Chris Kleponis/Reuters

Anal sphincter say what?


REUTERS/Chris Kleponis

You do realize that this photo op occurred only because Bush was at Bethesda Medical getting his physical.


AP/Eric Draper

Ladies and gentlemen.

I present the face of American jurisdprudence - Bush style.


AP/J. Scott Applewhite

"Change yer mind or I'll change yer gender, Billy.

And I'll cut off yer supply of cats."


AP Photo/Charles Dharapak


Queek the Industrious gets the hat tip and 100% credit for this one.

Friday, July 29, 2005

AP Headline: Bush Plans to Install Bolton

. . . on the Lump's side of the bed.


AP/Dennis Cook

Okay, I admit it.

I'm in love with Keith Olbermann. Smart, funny, sharp dresser...and has one of the few watchable shows left on the telly.





I feel so much better now.

And don't even get me started on Jon Stewart.

"I want YOU

to disregard facts, sublimate your sexual identity, and live a lie for the Republican Party! Whinny!"


AP/David Zalubowski

This message paid for by the Grab Your Ankles and Smile Coalition.

"But, Rick, I wore this tie for you!"

Santorum: "I'd rather see you naked. Hahahahahaha."

(Uncomfortable pause)

Santorum: "Did I just say that out loud?"


AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

Roberts tries to explain that he's never actually dressed a fetus in a suit.

What is God trying to tell the Boy Scouts?

Calif. Lightning Strike Kills Scout Leader

By JULIANA BARBASSA

FRESNO, Calif. - Lightning struck a group of Boy Scouts taking shelter from a summer storm, killing the troop leader injuring a 13-year-old scout, officials said.

At least one of the injured was kept alive only because the troop managed to administer cardiopulmonary resuscitation for an hour after Thursday's strike in Sequoia National Park, park ranger Alex Picavet said Friday.

"That's amazing," she said. "It's very difficult. It's probably because of their Boy Scout training."

The death come just days after four men were electrocuted while putting up a tent at the National Scout Jamboree in Virginia.

(snip)

"And whoever passed me that blunt during

the opening Parade of Penitents, that was some SERIOUSLY good shit!"


AP/Gerald Herbert

Pinball Wizard?

Blind Teen Amazes With Video-Game Skills

By SCOTT BAUER, Associated Press Writer

LINCOLN, Neb. - Brice Mellen is a whiz at video games such as "Mortal Kombat." In that regard, the 17-year-old isn't much different from so many others his age. Except for one thing: He's blind.

And as he easily dispatched foes who took him on recently at a Lincoln gaming center, the affable and smiling Mellen remained humble.

"I can't say that I'm a superpro," he said, working the controller like an extension of his body. "I can be beat."

(snip)

and the fully-sighted President Bush can't stay on a Segway or his mountain bike.


Sigh.

A Democratic candidate we can all be proud of.

Paul Hackett is running a "tell it like it is" campaign in Ohio, if you haven't heard of him before. An Iraqi war vet who has said that he'll go back to Iraq if he doesn't win, Hackett is the subject of yet another Republican smear campaign. The hypocrisy of the Republican Party is truly outstanding - questioning this man's service to his country.

His has been a grassroots campaign, receiving funding from the "little people." I'd like to see more candidates like him.

Donate here if you can.

Well, whaddya know.

Senator Soulless shows some . . . er . . . spine:

Veering From Bush, Frist Backs Funding for Stem Cell Research

By SHERYL GAY STOLBERG

WASHINGTON, July 29 - In a break with President Bush, the Senate Republican leader, Bill Frist, has decided to support a bill to expand federal financing for embryonic stem cell research, a move that could push it closer to passage and force a confrontation with the White House, which is threatening to veto the measure.

Mr. Frist, a heart-lung transplant surgeon who said last month that he did not back expanding financing "at this juncture," was announcing his decision this morning in a lengthy Senate speech. In it, he says that while he has reservations about altering Mr. Bush's four-year-old policy, which placed strict limits on taxpayer financing for the work, he supports the bill nonetheless.

"While human embryonic stem cell research is still at a very early stage, the limitations put in place in 2001 will, over time, slow our ability to bring potential new treatments for certain diseases," Mr. Frist says, according to a text of the speech provided by his office Thursday evening. "Therefore, I believe the president's policy should be modified."

Mr. Frist's move will undoubtedly change the political landscape in the debate over embryonic stem cell research, one of the thorniest moral issues to come before Congress. The chief House sponsor of the bill, Representative Michael N. Castle, Republican of Delaware, said, "His support is of huge significance."

(snip)


AFP/Brendan Smialowski

I wonder how Kay Bailey Hutchinson, who behaves like a high school cheerleader flirting with the star quarterback, will vote on this one.

"MOM!

Satva's not playing fair!"


REUTERS/Kamal Kishore

Thursday, July 28, 2005

I don't really need to caption this.

Do I?


AP/NASA

The people responsible for

the subtitles have been sacked.

Our apologies for the rather base quality of the captions today.

--The Management

"Goddammit!"

"I can feel the turtlehead again!"


AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

Does this guy have any other facial expression?

Or is "Ohmigod, I just crapped my pants" the only look he's got?


Reuters/Shaun Heasley

He's got that Tawny Frogmouth thing goin' on.

Karen Huge, toeing the company line

with her size 13 EEEs...

From Raw Story:

Karen Hughes refused to answer questions about Plame outing during confirmation hearing

John Byrne

Senior Bush adviser Karen Hughes, headed to confirmation in the full Senate for the State Department's top public relations post, provided a terse two sentence answer to questions submitted by Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) about her role and knowledge about the outing of covert CIA operative Valerie Plame Wilson, RAW STORY has learned.

Kerry's line of questioning focused on whether Hughes knew Wilson was a covert operative, and whether she had ever spoken with Bush adviser Karl Rove about the agent.

Hughes response was curt: "Because of my ongoing contact with the White House, I was interviewed as part of that investigation and was happy to cooperate, as I noted in my Senate Foreign Relations Committee questionnaire. As you know, these questions relate to an ongoing criminal investigation. I believe that I should honor the prosecutor's request not to discuss this matter until he has completed his investigation."

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee unanimously approved Hughes' nomination Tuesday to be Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs. She is expected to be confirmed by the full Senate in August.

"And I said to the President,

'You bet we're gonna win '06. By crook or by crook! Hahahaha!"

(girlish giggle) "Oh, Bill, you're just the funniest! And that death rictus is so manly. Sigh..."

I wonder how much gas is emitted by

Congress and conservative wingnut talk radio?

Researcher Measures the Gases Cows Emit

By KATHLEEN HENNESSEY

DAVIS, Calif. - In a white, tent-like "bio-bubble" on a farm near Davis, eight pregnant Holsteins are eating, chewing and pooping — for science. "The ladies," as they're called by University of California researcher Frank Mitloehner, are doing their part to answer a question plaguing one of California's largest agricultural industries: How much gas does a cow emit?

The findings will be used to write the state's first air quality regulations for dairies and could affect regulations nationwide.

But before he explains how it works, Mitloehner wants one thing to be clear.

"We're not talking about flatulence," he says.

He emphasizes the point because his research has been dismissed as "fart science," a label he says doesn't do justice to the seriousness of his work.

(snip)

Sunset over Canal Street last night

taken with my cellphone camera.

George W. Bush holds nothing but the highest

regard for the Presidency and behaves accordingly.

I just want one round in the ring with him. I can get the job done in one.

Ken Mehlman lunches

with the press:

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

"Your name in lights, Members Only jackets

embroidered with your name on them, ignorin' 49% of the American populace...I'm tellin' ya, bein' Preznit is hard work!"


REUTERS/Larry Downing


Governor Bland Donothing announces that he will not run for the governor's office in 2006. 'I will not seek another term as your governor,' he said in the state capital of Albany. 'Come 2007, I will follow a new path, find new challenges.'

I recommend he start by finding the path that leads to a personality.

The Laura2005 in PowerSave mode


AP/Janet Hostette

The Chimperor greets

The Aryan Breeders Society.


AP/Eric Draper

Spotting two interlopers, the Chimperor bravely wades into the crowd to extract the darker-skinned villains.


AP/Eric Draper

"Mind if I call you 'Shrimp Toast'?"

Bush, looking mighty awkward, meets with 7 year-old Navy Anderson (yes, "Navy") - the 2005 March of Dimes National Ambassador.


AP/Charles Dhaparak

I'm thinkin' that Denny Hastert should

really look into double-breasted jackets.

And Slimfast. Dude looks like he's about to have a myocardial infarction any second, and the pacemaker's in the wrong chest.


Reuters/Larry Downing

"Huh huh huh...presents! PRESENTS!

Jeb want PRESENT too!"


Reuters/NASA

(as Columba Bush greedily grabs for the gift, wondering whether she'll have to report it on her tax returns)

He is, how you say...

TERRIFIED of running against Elliot Spitzer?

Pataki Decides to Forgo a 4th Term, Confidants Say

By MICHAEL COOPER and PATRICK D. HEALY

ALBANY, July 26 - Gov. George E. Pataki told a group of supporters and aides on Tuesday night that he would not seek a fourth term as governor after abruptly summoning them to the governor's mansion, according to two people who attended the meeting.

Mr. Pataki's announcement came as polls showed him trailing Attorney General Eliot Spitzer, the Democrat who hopes to succeed him as governor. But it sets the stage for Mr. Pataki to explore a possible run for president in 2008.

Mr. Pataki's decision is the beginning of the end of his three-term reign, which began when he toppled his predecessor, Mario M. Cuomo. Mr. Pataki, a Republican, took office nearly 11 years ago pledging to remake a state government run by Democrats for an entire generation.

(snip)

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Another photo that captions itself.

Amazing what plastic surgery and a new motherboard can do...


AP/John Russell

"Heh heh heh.

That Urkel cracks me up!"


AP/Eric Draper

"Huh huh huh . . . pretty!

Pretty bird go boom into sky!"


AP/Jim Weaver

"Deer Ejipt Egypt,"

"Sorry about the dead peeple people at Charmin Shake. Like me, they had resolve. Best retards, Geroge George.
P.S. Lock em Longhorns! "


Reuters/Larry Downing

In the middle of his speech, Cheney caught conflicting

whiffs of fresh blood and wolfsbane...


AP/Stephen Chernin

Bush is disappointed to learn that

Gilbert Stuart painted neither the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" nor "The Velvet Elvis."


AP/Krisanne Johnson

The Santorum Family fetus, spinning in

its jar, with the publication of Sen. Santorum's glaringly hypocritical "It Takes a Family"?


Reuters/Shaun Best

Nah, just a Spanish diver, on slow exposure.

Monday, July 25, 2005

While I'd love to see a woman president,

I really don't think this is the way to go about it:

Sen. Clinton works to shed liberal image, calls for party unity

By Steven Thomma

COLUMBUS, Ohio - Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton courted a moderate image on Monday, urging a truce between the liberal and centrist wings of her Democratic Party and a platform that bridges differences as she positions herself for a possible bid for the presidency.

Delivering a broad overview of public affairs that illustrated how she would lead the party, Clinton blended the rhetoric of President Bush in stressing an aggressive war on terrorism with the kind of talk her husband used in forging middle-ground consensus on divisive issues such as abortion and the role of faith in public life.

Clinton's venue was the annual conference of the Democratic Leadership Council, the same centrist group of Democratic Party leaders and activists that helped launch her husband's 1992 presidential campaign and where she accepted the chairmanship of a yearlong effort to write a new party agenda.

(snip)

New boss, same as the old boss?!

Well, I suppose it's easier than trying to get

legislation like CAN-SPAM passed:

Russia’s Biggest Spammer Brutally Murdered in Apartment

Vardan Kushnir, notorious for sending spam to each and every citizen of Russia who appeared to have an e-mail, was found dead in his Moscow apartment on Sunday, Interfax reported Monday. He died after suffering repeated blows to the head.

Kushnir, 35, headed the English learning centers the Center for American English, the New York English Centre and the Centre for Spoken English, all known to have aggressive Internet advertising policies in which millions of e-mails were sent every day
.
In the past angry Internet users have targeted the American English centre by publishing the Center’s telephone numbers anywhere on the Web to provoke telephone calls. The Center’s telephone was advertised as a contact number for cheap sex services, or bargain real estate sales.

Another attack involved hundreds of people making phone calls to the American English Center and sending it numerous e-mails back, but Vardan Kushnir remained sure of his right to spam, saying it was what e-mails were for.

Under Russian law, spamming is not considered illegal, although lawmakers are working on legal projects that could protect Russian Internet users like they do in Europe and the U.S.

"This sucks.

Why won't Unka Karl let me go bike-riding?"


Reuters/Larry Downing

"Hello!...hello....hello...

"Echo...echo...echo..."


AP/Charles Dharapak

"Now what do I do with this mouthful

of jizz?"


Jonathan Ernst/Reuters

[Iowa and New Hampshire, where presidential possibles go to test the political waters, are practically foreign territory for U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum. But the Pennsylvania Republican's name keeps popping up -- in spite of a tough Senate re-election fight next year -- fed by his 'never say never' response to whether he'll be a White House contender in 2008 and publication of his first book, a conservative manifesto on family and values. Sen. Rick Santorum beams as he is mentioned by U.S. President George W. Bush at the National Catholic Prayer Breakfast at the Washington Hilton, in this May 20, 2005 file photo.]

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Man Hands Huge was so excited

to see her bestest friend, she forgot to remove her lunch napkin.


REUTERS/Mannie Garcia

Maybe it's me, but if I were built like a friggin' nose tackle, I wouldn't be wearing jackets with 1980's-style shoulderpads. But then again, I have 2 "x" chromosomes.