Friday, September 30, 2005

"I found that Mentadent made my hair the glossiest!"



"Do you KNOW who I am?"


AP/Micah Walter

"I'M JUDITH FUCKING MILLER, DAMMIT!"

A Dependable Renegade insider first:

the movie poster for the remake of "The Thing With Two Heads".


REUTERS/Larry Downing

Who says this administration is anti-alternative lifestyle?

I mean, they certainly hire enough transgendered people.



And again, don't even start with the upholstery [s]he's wearing.


* thanks . . . I think . . . to reader Capital J for the "headshot."

Don "Magic Fingers" Rumsfeld

displays his winning nipple-twisting technique.


AP/Dennis Cook

I hear he's really anxious about getting a good seat for the "oral arguments" in the Anna Nicole Smith case before the Supremes.


I apologize for this post. It's the coffee, man.

You get the feeling

that this is the only pearl necklace this woman will ever wear?


REUTERS/Jason Reed



(*with a thanks to tbogg and his site, where I first developed this idea.)

Young Jack Roberts

rehearses the Golden Calf dance sequence from "The Ten Commandments."


AP/Susan Walsh

And for his encore, he performed the Dom DeLuise dance number from "Blazing Saddles."

Open Casting Call.

Lifetime Productions looking for actor to play New York Times "reporter" Judith Miller in its television film "Do You People KNOW Who I AM?"


AFP/Getty Images/File

Please bring most recent headshot and tiara. Audition will include brushing your hair with a toothbrush.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Breaking news:

The lifelike, yet slightly waxy representation of California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed the gay marriage bill today in Sacramento.


AFP/Robyn Beck

It was reported that Mr. Schwarzenegger was trapped inside a tanning bed in Hollywood Hills and could not be freed in time for the signing.

"Yes, mister, but at least my headscarf

matches my outfit."


AP/Osman Orsal

Jane Roberts' happy pill picks a fine time

to wear off.


REUTERS/Jason Reed

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!"


REUTERS/Eric Draper

You can't tell me that girl is NOT gonna have issues.

And so is his sister.

"Darn. I want me some of that.

Maybe if I wore a red tie?"


AP/Charles Dhaparak

The Joker and the Penguin

share a lighthearted moment before the swearing in of Gollum as Chief Justice.


AP/Charles Dhaparak

"No tongues!"



The Roberts: Taking sexual chemistry to the next level.

"I do."

*exasperated sigh*

"Not you, Mr. President."


AP/Jim Bourg

Karen Hughes tries her manhand at karaoke.

"Voulez vous couchez avec moi, Sasquatch?"


AFP/Mustafa Ozer

gitchee gitchee yaya dada...

It would have been funnier if the sign read

"So go, Mister 'I'm So Important I Can't Stay and Visit with my Bubbe.' I'll just sit here in the dark."


AP Photo/Brooklyn Borough President's Office, Kathryn Kirk

"Get thee behind me, Bugman."

"You're not takin' me with you."


AFP/Jim Watson

No big surprise there.

Judge Roberts is now Chief Justice Roberts. 78-22.


AFP/Luke Frazza

I suppose he hypnotized the acquiescent Dems with his laser beam eyes.

R.I.P. Constance Baker Motley

A beacon of hope in the fight for civil rights.

And then Tom DeLay

changed form and escaped from the courtroom.


AP/Sakchai Lalit

Why do so many of the Republicans resemble Thulsa Doom?

Bush staggers out of the White House bedroom

in the middle of the night to relieve himself:


AFP/DDP/Joerg Koch

"Damn those girls.

I *told* 'em there was supposed to be a banana peel there first thing this morning."


AP/Ron Edmonds

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Manhands demonstrates

how she handles a Quiznos 2' meatball parmigiana sub.


AP/Osman Orsal

UPDATE: Dang. I tried to keep it clean. attaturk didn't.

Lights out in the Reptile House.


AFP/Pool/Charles Dharapak

Well, so much for aging gracefully.


REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Dude looks like he's seeing Peter Graves' blade man...and Ahnuld's colorist.

And I need to see it again:

Indicted DeLay Steps Down From House Post

*giggle*

"... Where fashion sits..."

"Puuuuuhhhhn aaaahh unh EEEEETZ!"


REUTERS/Jason Reed

Somebody found the can of Raid Maxx.

Looks like the Bugman's goin' down.

DeLay Indicted in Campaign Finance Probe

"You're doin' a heck of a job, Tommy!"

"And this coloring book is the President's favorite..."

Little girl: "She smells like Old Spice."


AP/Osman Orsal

Oh, great. Another one handin' out the Bush propaganda brochures to the "education starved" foreign children.

Jesus Christ in a Jean-Paul Gaultier bra.

How do you say "BAD TOUCH!" in Turkish?

"Make the scary man put me down!!!"


AP/Osman Orsal

Yeah, this just about sums it up.

Extreme Makeover, "Ew, Don't Touch Me, Poor People" Edition

Before Mrs. Bush entered the community center where the show was filming, a director shooed away both victims and volunteers from the doorway, instructing them how to react as her entourage entered.

"Act surprised!" he said above the din.


(snip)

And thanks for stating the obvious, you cow. It would be nice if the government contemplated relying on something OTHER than faith-based rescue efforts:

Later, with perspiration beading on her forehead under the blazing sun, Bush said she was encouraged by the way governments, private organizations, faith-based groups and individuals were helping ease the suffering after the Aug. 29 hurricane that killed at least 220 Mississippians and left major damage along the state's 90-mile coast.

"It's going to take all of these working together to help people rebuild their lives," she said.


(snip)

Funny, I didn't know androids perspired.

"But . . . Dr. Rice . . .

you ARE a black woman!"

"Say WHAT?!"


REUTERS/Eduardo Munoz

Really, she's a black woman only when it's convenient for her boss.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

And I can't get freakin' tickets for this.



A purrfect 10: Yuri Kuklachev's cat does handstands on his palm, and yours won't even let you pick her up. Life isn't fair. Kulachev and his 20 felines were promoting his show, "Moscow Cats," in New York.


No tickets for Bill Frist, please.

"Running low . . . on energy . . .

must feed . . . need brains . . . . "


REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

Stock Sale May Be Costly for Frist

What would Jesus snort?

Hostage Gave Meth to Atlanta Fugitive

ATLANTA - Ashley Smith, the woman who says she persuaded suspected courthouse gunman Brian Nichols to release her by talking about her faith, discloses in a new book that she gave him methamphetamine during the hostage ordeal.

Smith did not share that detail with authorities at the time. But investigators said she came clean about the drugs when they interviewed her months later. They said they have no plans to charge her with drug possession.

In her book, "Unlikely Angel," released Tuesday, Smith says Nichols had her bound on her bed with masking tape and an extension cord. She says he asked for marijuana, but she did not have any, and she dug into her illegal stash of crystal meth instead.

Smith, a 27-year-old widowed mother who gained widespread praise for her level-headedness, says the seven-hour hostage ordeal in March led to the realization that she was a drug addict, and she says she has not used drugs since the night before she was taken captive.

"If I did die, I wasn't going to heaven and say, `Oh, excuse me, God. Let me wipe my nose, because I just did some drugs before I got here,'" Smith told the Augusta Chronicle.

(snip)

Well, it couldn't be any worse than his acting.

Affleck for Senator?

Actor Ben Affleck has been eyed for a new role -- as a U.S. Senator.

The Washington Post reports Virginia Democrats have hatched plans to run the Hollywood actor against Republican Senator George Allen in next year's election.

Affleck and his pregnant wife, Jennifer Garner, are said to have shopped for a house around Charlottesville, Va., but still appear far from making a move anytime soon.

Once Affleck's name was mentioned by state Democrats, it proved extremely popular.

University of Virginia professor Larry Sabato says, "It spread pretty widely, at least in the political underground."

Affleck's representative Ken Sunshine says there's no reason to think Affleck would run, but adds, "He would make a superb public candidate for public office in the future."

During the 2004 Democratic National Convention in his hometown of Boston, Mass., a highly visible Affleck campaigned actively for presidential nominee John Kerry.

"Ah'm gonna show those hurricanes who's boss.

Lookit me, lookin' all stern. Oh, and make sure you git mah good side."


REUTERS/Jason Reed

Again with the monkey stride.

"I care! I care! I care!" *click*

"That's just your color!" *click* "Don't you have pretty braids."


AP/Morry Gash

This is Laura's contribution to the Gulf Coast disaster - filming "Extreme Makeover" for ABC. I guess she signed up thinking she was going to get some more work done on her kiester.

"And when Ah saw those oil refineries half underwater,

I damned near cried. Look at me, I'm gittin' all emotional all over again!"


AFP/Jim Watson

"There's a new sheriff in town, pilgrim. . .

. . . but right now, he's busy on traffic detail so I could fly down here."


AP/Susan Walsh

"There gonna be an in-flight movie on this trip?"


REUTERS/Jason Reed

"I had this much experience before I was

appointed head of FEMA. So it's not my fault."


REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Oh my.

Nedra Pickler is seeing the irony:

"If it makes sense for the citizen out there to curtail nonessential travel, it darn sure makes sense for federal employees," Bush said. "We can encourage employees to car pool or use mass transit, and we can shift peak electricity use to off-peak hours. There's ways for the federal government to lead when it comes to conservation."

The White House also will be looking at ways to conserve, press secretary Scott McClellan said, although that didn't include curtailing the president's travel plans. Tuesday marked the president's seventh trip to the Gulf Coast in the aftermath of two devastating hurricanes in less than a month.

Speaking to reporters aboard Air Force One as Bush headed here Tuesday, McClellan said the president has directed the White House staff to conserve energy by turning up thermostats, shutting down computers, faxes and copy machines after hours, using public transportation or carpools and reducing nonessential travel by relying more heavily on video conferencing.

Bush also has asked that his motorcade be scaled back, his spokesman said, and it was shorter upon his arrival in Texas. However, the multiple-vehicle caravan moved only a few yards from his presidential jet and dropped Bush off at an airport terminal for his meeting with Texas officials.

Bush returned Sunday from a three-day trip in which he stopped in four cities that have been a base for government response to the storm. As he has in most of his previous trips to the areas hit by the hurricanes, Bush spent most of the time in meetings with state and local officials — many of them reporting by videoconference.


(snip)

Such a farbissinuh punim!


REUTERS/Larry Downing

Far be it for Bush to heed his own advice to conserve gas. Marine One to Air Force One to a photo op on the Gulf Coast?

"I went to Egypt and all I got was

some lousy flat bread and a little lantern."


AP/Amr Nabil

Even Sasquatch needs to keep up its energy.

Ah. So that's how it works.

Private Lynndie England. Guilty.


REUTERS/Jeff Mitchell

General Ricardo Sanchez. Not even remotely guilty.

Is that an alcoholic's red nose

or did he pick the Cowardly Lion for "Play Your Favorite 'Wizard of Oz' Character" at dinner?


REUTERS/Yuri Gripas


(god, I hope Attaturk has his way with this pic.)

Monday, September 26, 2005

OHMIFUCKINGGOD!

(CBS) — CBS News correspondent Gloria Borger reports that Michael Brown, who recently resigned as the head of the FEMA, has been rehired by the agency as a consultant to evaluate it's response following Hurricane Katrina.

Words escape me. So do pictures.

UPDATE: Um...DUH?!

Brown Says He Should've Sought Aid Sooner

BY LARA JAKES JORDAN

WASHINGTON - Former FEMA director Michael Brown said Monday he should have sought help faster from the Pentagon after Hurricane Katrina hit, and accused state and local officials of constant infighting during the crisis, according to congressional aides.

Brown is continuing to work at the Federal Emergency Management Agency at full pay, with his Sept. 12 resignation not taking effect for two more weeks, said Homeland Security Department spokesman Russ Knocke.

(snip)

rest here.

"I think that's Louisiana."


AFP/Jim Watson

Bush looks for help

finishing the connect-the-dots games on the diner placemat . . .


REUTERS/Jason Reed

. . . while Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman wonders whether Bush is gonna finish his curly fries.

Just LOOK at those fucking hippies!

with their short hair and polo shirts and Jansport. . .

uh, never mind.


AFP/Nicholas Kamm

Oh, I don't think so.

'Intelligent Design' Court Battle Begins

By MARTHA RAFFAELE, Associated Press Writer

HARRISBURG, Pa. - "Intelligent design" is a religious theory that was inserted in a school district's curriculum with no concern for whether it had scientific underpinnings, a lawyer told a federal judge Monday as a landmark trial got under way.

"They did everything you would do if you wanted to incorporate a religious point of view in science class and cared nothing about its scientific validity," said Eric Rothschild, an attorney representing eight families who are challenging the decision of the Dover Area School District.

(snip)

"This case is about free inquiry in education, not about a religious agenda," argued Patrick Gillen of the Thomas More Law Center in Ann Arbor, Mich. "Dover's modest curriculum change embodies the essence of liberal education." The center, which lobbies for what it sees as the religious freedom of Christians, is defending the school district.

(snip)



See what I'm sayin'?

"No, please, Mrs. Hughes, you're scaring her."


AP/Amr Nabil

"Aw, can't I just give the conference

from behind Randy Quaid? I'm tired of strikin' poses for the press."


REUTERS/Jason Reed