Saturday, December 31, 2005

"My New Year's Resolutions.

1. Stop being so "open" with the press.
2. Get through that pile of "Highlights" magazines that has been piling up.
3. Bike more.
4. Subscribe to Merriam Webster's "Word of the Day." Peroration. Heh.
5. Cut back on the drinking.
6. Invade Iran.
7. Call mom more.


AP/The White House, Shealah Craighead

A New Year's Toast

Ordinarily, I stay away from the sappy stuff (except for stupidly adorable animal pictures), but I'd like to take a moment to thank all of you who have come to visit, or stayed, here at Dependable Renegade. Your collective sanity keeps me going. I want you all to have a happy, healthy New Year, and may we see the first of many indictments come January 3, 2006.

This whole thing was just a fluke - getting nagged at by the tribbles at Eschaton to start my own blog - and I never imagined that I would wind up being appreciated by such a wide range of readers. 2005 was a good year for this joint and introduced me to a whole new spectrum of people I'd never have met otherwise.

In particular, I'd like to thank the following for any "success" I've achieved here (caveat: this list is by no means complete, but I'd have to put up something like a brazillion posts to include everyone):

Dr. Atta J. Turk, Podiatrist to the Stars, the brains behind the scandalously funny Rising Hegemon, and my co-blogger at Rising Hegemon - AFTER DARK!, a salacious little niblet of parody porn. Attaturk was generous to a fault when I first started stealing his riff, and, like the wonderful friend that he has become, has let me step on his toes time and again. May 2006 bring you feet aplenty, and one million more hits. AND a blogroll from James Wolcott.

The eminence brun of snark, TBogg, who had a little cotillion for me at his place back in the summer, and has been an amigo ever since. May 2006 provide the lovely and talented Casey with indestructible patellae, give you some quality time with the ever youthful and elegant Mrs. Bogg, and chill Beckham's ass out. That dog has some serious 'tude!

And because of TBogg's heads-up, I got the chance to meet the Godfather of Snark, the aforementioned James Wolcott. I have never felt so geeky as when I asked him to autograph his little post about me . . . except for that time when I was 13 and walking home from school with a boy I had a crush on and was so distracted that I literally walked into a speed limit sign. So much for grace under pressure. But I digress. When someone like Mr. Wolcott admires your snark, it's like winning the blogosphere's version of "American Idol." So thank you, sir, for your kind words. May 2006 find you even snarkier - maybe Air America will bring back Marc Maron?

Jane Hamsher, of the indispensable Firedoglake, who, when not writing with her partners marvelously detailed investigative pieces on the absolutely venal administration currently in power, visits here for a chuckle, and sends her readers here, too. Even more success for Firedoglake in 2006.

Atrios, that salty old tar over at Eschaton, who never banned me for derailing a thread with my constant bloghworing and assorted piffle, and who tosses me a photo every now and then. I do so admire his devil-may-care attitude and carefree use of the word "fuck." So saucy! May 2006 bring even more open threads and acclaim!

I also am compelled by law to give a shout out to NYMary, of the highly underrated and beautifully written PowerPop, who named this perversion of photographs. I would've picked something far less succinct, like "Moronic People and their Pictures." May 2006 bring you and Thersites, Derider of All Things Althousian, a happy bouncing baby to add to your collection of, quite possibly, the smartest children I've ever met.

And to all of the Atriots who have become dear friends in faraway lands like Vermont and Pennsylvania and California and Arizona and Texas and Missouri and the Upper West Side and Brooklyn, happy happy New Year. I am exceedingly fortunate to have met you. 2006 will be good.

Now get the fuck off my lawn.

Riiiiiiiiight.

White House denies ordering NSA leak investigation.

Would that BushCo. spent half as much energy to make Pat Fitzgerald's work on that Plame leak investigation a little easier. Fucktards.


"Dammit. Where did I store those acorns?"

Friday, December 30, 2005

Compare and contrast.

Dessicated president.


AFP/Mandel Ngan

Dried apple head.

Ladies and Gentlemen!

It's Gladhe's White and the Perps!

Laura. Hon.

You might want to rethink the whole "I'm a size S" campaign.


AFP/Mandel Ngan

Please god, get that woman a bra that fits.

What a relief.

Bush has given up on that whole "overreaching" thing.

Bush scales back.

"The White House has realised it had too ambitious an agenda and is re-tooling as we speak," the Republican congressman Fred Upton told The Los Angeles Times.

Huh huh huh, they said "tool."

American teen turns corner in Iraq

and finds that it's not 1/100th as safe as BushCo. would lead us to believe.

Unable to speak Arabic, the dangers of his predicament began to dawn on him when he went out of his hotel looking for food and had to pull out his phrase book.

"And I'm like, 'Well, I should probably be going.' It was not a safe place. The way they were looking at me kind of freaked me out," he told the AP.


WHAT? They didn't shower him with chocolates and flowers?

Looks like someone's been clearin'

a little TOO much "cedar brush."


AFP/Mandel Ngan

Because in Crawford, THIS is what cedar brush looks like:

"I just had my hair done."


AP/Domenico Stinellis

"Does this hat make me look fat?"

The world is my scratching post!


AP/Great Falls Tribune, Robin Loznak

Looks like someone doesn't want to go home.

Mark Morford.

Go read.

I have watched the rise of the morally bankrupt Christian fundamentalist mind-set in America with equal parts disgust and sadness and bemusement, all overlaid with a general sense that just about everything these people do is pretty much the exact opposite of what Jesus had in mind. Which is exactly what makes them so dangerous.

I have seen the big pharmcos work like intestinal worms to create a nation of jittery and confused prescription-drug addicts, Big Auto refuse to improve mpg or cop to the overall abusive idiocy of the monster SUV, heard the president mutter the actual words, "We do not torture," as the United States quickly becomes, in its global actions and disregard for all things humanitarian, little better than the fundamentalist terrorists it claims to despise.

And lo, it is bleak and nasty and gray as death's own gum disease.

On the other hand, I have seen new voices of protest being born straight out of the pious machinery of fundamentalist ignorance. I have seen the coolly blasphemous alt-spirituality segment of the bookstore explode and flourish and make a calm mockery of the belief that godhood is somehow unattainable to calm and open-hearted people right here, right now.

Community is flourishing in new and astounding forms, via 10 thousand blogs and 10 million photo-sharing Web pages and countless bizarre blinking winking communication devices, our frayed human interconnections constantly regenerating in new and unexpected ways, like nerve endings after a traumatic accident.




(thanks, as always, to GWPDA for the hat tip)

"Ole!"

Rumsfeld auditions for the corps de ballet for the DoD's production of "Carmen."


AP/Jim Young

You say you want a revolution...


AP/Charles Dharapak

Let's see: REEEEAALLY guilty, guilty, guilty, SUPREMELY guilty.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

"Let's assume that my fist is . . . well, my fist,

and your ass is national security . . . "


REUTERS/Larry Downing

"Oh, you're no fun anymore!"

Bush porn posters removed.

Update: I think the NSA's fucking with me.

So, to fuck with them, the photos are here.

When art imitates life. . .

or is it the other way around?




REUTERS/Jason Reed

And they're both atrociously dressed.

(hat tip to TB)

Sorry for the slow day.

I was out and about with some fellow bloggers, both local and in from out of town.

We went to see Bodies, The Exhibition yesterday afternoon.

Frrrrrrrrrrreaky!

More pics here.

Rules are for pussies.

Bush changes nuclear football backup quarterbacks.




yeah, I know. That's rugby, not football.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Goddamned Barney keeps eating the crayons!

Bush reads a book.





(hat tip to Noam Sane)

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Okay, so let's say that

the player is Bush, and the soccer ball is Reality...


REUTERS/Pascal Rossignol

Well, THAT explains it.

They just removed this from Ann Althouse's keister.


REUTERS/Gene Blevins

It was part of "pledge rush week."

"But they told me to."


AP/FOX, Freddie Lee

Rice authorized NSA wiretapping of UN officials in 2003.

And they say cricket's hard to follow.


REUTERS/Ian Hodgson

Define "art."

Brit crawls 55 miles for love.

McGowan, from Peckham, south London, is no stranger to bizarre stunts or being so close to the tarmac: in 2003 he spent two weeks rolling a monkey nut with his nose seven miles to Downing Street to protest against student debt.

Earlier this year he attempted to cartwheel 57 miles from Brighton to London to highlight the problem of people taking stones from beaches to decorate their gardens. He was forced to give up with a twisted back after four days.


Well, he's no Karen Finley.

The only thing that pisses me off

more than ignorance is willful ignorance.

"We believe that if they comply and the clinic is safer for women ... at the very least, Mississippi has made the back-alley abortion clinic — or the front-alley abortion clinic as we call them — safer for women but not for unborn children," said Pro-Life Mississippi President Terri Herring.

Herring is referring to Mississippi's ONLY abortion clinic.

What IS that child doing?

Signing his name? That's some arc he can get.


AP/Al Grillo

Must be a Republican.

Australia's richest man dies.

And judging from this photo, not a moment too soon.


AP/Rob Griffith

Looks like somebody got into Maria Shriver's cheek implant stash.


Okay, that wasn't nice. I'm sorry.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Oh, it is to laugh.

Bush seeks to win more battles in 2006.

Boom shakalakalaka boom shakalakalaka...


AFP/Mandel Ngan

Miss Beazley pisses on Bush,

and in turn, Bush pisses on our civil rights.


REUTERS/Larry Downing

They DO know that pet carriers have handles, don't they?

Apparently, the Bushes adopted

dogs that can't walk.


AP/Lawrence Jackson

At least the dogs have an innate sense of style.

"So I said, 'DICTUM?!

I don't even know 'im!'"


AP/Lauren Victoria Burke

"Your strict constructionist decisions are funnier, Nino."

Given that she parties like the Bush Twins

and downs pills like Pickles, it's only fitting that the White House is filing an amicus brief (I'd have gone with the black lace thong) for Anna Nicole Smith. Cllllllllllllllllasssy!


AP


JFK had Marilyn Monroe.

Bush has Anna Nicole Smith.

I rest my case.

Colin Powell, a/k/a "Steel Will"!

Spying on citizens is AOK by me!

"Whatever you say, boss!"


AP/Susan Walsh

Given the breakneck speed with which FEMA

has been getting trailers to the homeless in New Orleans, why am I not surprised that it's been dragging its feet releasing information on some 485 children missing since the hurricane hit?

The indefatigable Scout Prime investigates the latest FEMA horrors. Go read. I can't promise you won't scream from frustration.

"It's obvious that this boy is suffering

from Bantu siderosis!"



"I'm a doctor, dammit, not a moon shuttle pilot!"


(Happy Holidays, Scout Prime!)

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Happy F**king Holidays to all!


AP/Marcio Jose Sanchez

Except Bill O'Reilly. He can just go fuck himself.

Well, if all else fails,

there's always filial ostracization. Dobson - such a good Christian.



I dunno. Dobson's son looks a little . . .

. . . fey?

"I'm faaaaaaaabulous!"


AP/Pier Paolo Cito

Sunday nondenominational catblogging.

Miles says, "feh, I had too much roast beast last night."

"There's a Jew in my soup."


REUTERS/Max Rossi

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Donald Rumsfeld's next job.

Cafeteria lady at Winnesook Hills High School.


AP/Jim Young

I wonder if he ran this idea

up Gannon's flagpole first.

Bobby Eberle runs for "Vice" Chair of Texas GOP.





I'd photoshop a Christmas wreath on Gannon, but I'm just too damned lazy.

"Yeah, I'll take two cases.

"It's gonna be a long weekend with the in-laws."

Bush pardons moonshiners.



Color me SHOCKED! Peace on earth and good swill to men?

"You're getting sleeeeepy..."

Mandrake the Magician and his exotic assistant hypnotize the American public into believing that the deployment of troops was actually Bush's idea.


AP/Wathiq Khuzaie, Pool

Intelligent Design...riiiiiiiight.

Woman swallows cell phone after argument

BLUE SPRINGS, Mo. (AP) - It was a conversation stopper. A lovers' dispute over a cell phone took a serious turn early Friday morning when the woman ended the spat by swallowing the phone whole.

Police said they received a call at 4:52 a.m. from a man who said his girlfriend was having trouble breathing. When they arrived at the house they found the 24-year-old woman had a cell phone lodged in her throat.

"He wanted the phone and she wouldn't give it to him, so she attempted to swallow it," Detective Sgt. Steve Decker of the Blue Springs Police Department. "She just put the entire phone in her mouth so he couldn't get it."

Police said an ambulance transported the woman to St. Mary's Medical Center in Blue Springs. A hospital spokeswoman said she couldn't give details about the woman's health since police have not released her identity.

Decker said police had closed investigations on the swallowing, the first such incident of its kind here.

"This is the first I've heard of this happening," said Decker. "I don't know what kind of phone it was. I don't know if it was on ring or vibrate, either."

Friday, December 23, 2005

Portrait of the President as a Boy.

"Hey! There's no vodka in this!"


REUTERS/Toshiyuki Aizawa


(It really is a cute macaque.)

"Have a nice day!"


REUTERS/Jason Reed

The amorphous Alito, who is obviously not as qualified as the uber-jurist Harriet Miers, is really shaping up. Let's recap thus far, shall we?

For:
illegal wiretapping
strip-searching ten year-old girls
student-led prayer in public schools
the possession and transfer of machine guns (under the Commerce Clause)

Against:
a woman's right to choose
judges having to recuse themselves from cases in which they're financially vested
women's and minorities' right to attend university
access to clean air and water

Have I missed anything?

Aw, it's pandalicious.


REUTERS/Smithsonian's National Zoo/Jessie Cohen

Battle of the Nitwit Stars.


AP/California Governor's Office, Duncan McIntosh

Sly's looking like he's auditioning for the role of Ed Norton.

Bush spins his criminality so fast

that it makes him dizzy.


REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Bush says, "2005 good for the people."

He might wanna check with the people of the Gulf Coast and the families of fallen soldiers and the people whose basic health benefits have been cut...

2005 not so good for Bush, though.


AFP/Mandel Ngan

Heh heh heh heh.

Talk about your Hail Mary pass.

Courtesy of TBogg:

The Jesus Jersey. Must suck if you're a Sacramento Kings fan.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

"Oh yeah.

You blend." - Marisa Tomei, "My Cousin Vinny"


AP/Zoologial Society of San Diego, Ken Bohn

Winners of the "2005 Party Animals of the Year."

Just make sure to keep your car keys within reach at all times.


REUTERS/White House Photo/Eric Draper