Friday, March 31, 2006

Another open letter.

Honest to god, I just don't get it.

Dear Senators Schumer, Feinstein, Kennedy, and Biden,

WHERE THE FUCK were you today? You too busy playing golf or whoring for campaign funds or getting your hairplugs realigned or being generally terrified of causing a scene?

I mean, Jesus Christ in a Jean Paul Gaultier torpedo bra, people! All you had to do was show up for the Judiciary Committee censure hearing and maybe asking some pertinent questions about Constitutional law and presidential overreaching and rule of law, but what did you do? You fucking bailed on Senators Feingold and Leahy, leaving them to inhale the miasma that is the breath of Bush cocksuckers Specter, Graham, Sessions, Cornyn and Hatch. And fellate they did, as eagerly as $20 whores picking off merchant seamen dockside.

God knows, the Fellating Five didn't let John Dean, former White House counsel to the villainous Richard Nixon, get a word in, opting instead to sneer and stab at him like a bunch of Heathers, calling him an ex-con and purposely mishearing his testimony. Here was a man who lived through impeachment hearings and understands completely the implications of censure, sitting in front of the Committee, willing to answer questions (or at least try, when he wasn't being cut off by the questioning Senator or the anti-censure witnesses). Dean would have handed you reasoned, thoughtful analysis and would have reinforced the argument for censure, but nooooo, you had to go meet with your fucking interior decorator and choose wallpaper swatches, or something equally important as the GUTTING OF THE GODDAMNED CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES and the ERADICATION OF YOUR FUCKING JOBS, YOU PUSILLANIMOUS ASSCLOWNS!

What, were you afraid of questioning Bruce Fein, noted conservative attorney, who was there IN SUPPORT OF CENSURE?! Bruce Fein, who spelled out in concise, numbered paragraphs so that even the mentally impaired on the Judiciary Committee could understand (yes, I'm looking at you, Huckleberry Sessions), that this President is the most dangerous thing to happen to the United States Constitution:

President Bush’s intent was to keep the program secret from Congress and to avoid political or legal accountability indefinitely. Secrecy of that sort makes checks and balances a farce. Sunshine is the best disinfectant. Popular government without popular information is impossible. . . .

But no. You had more important things to do. Like having a lobbyist take you to breakfast at the Four Seasons or practice your golf swing, leaving Senators Leahy and Feingold to look across the yawning chasm of empty chairs at the Republican side. You, the champions of of the little people (well, not you Sen. Biden, D-MBNA), the standard-bearers for the democratic process. You know, if you're so uninterested in serving on the Committee, I'm sure there are others who are equally adept at equivocating and backpedaling as you lot.

So before President Bush does away with Congress altogether, I recommend that you dithering douchebags listen very, very closely to what your alleged colleague, Russ Feingold, had to say today:

If Congress doesn’t have the power to define the contours of the President’s Article II powers through legislation, then I have no idea why people are scrambling to draft legislation to authorize what they think the President is doing. If the President’s legal theory, which is shared by some of our witnesses today, is correct, then FISA is a dead letter, all of the supposed protections for civil liberties contained in the reauthorization of the Patriot Act that we just passed are a cruel hoax, and any future legislation we might pass regarding surveillance or national security is a waste of time and a charade. Under this theory, we no longer have a constitutional system consisting of three co-equal branches of government, we have a monarchy.

And guess what: you shitheads won't be on the short list for courtiers.