Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Ever feel like this?

Good thing the wallpaper's not flocked.

She'd have a helluva time finding lipstick to match.

LAURA BUSH
AP/Judi Bottoni

"Dude, two steps back, OK?

You're about to touch my area."

BUSH
REUTERS/Larry Downing

Well, if that doesn't win

over the hearts and minds, I don't know what will:

U.S. forces shoot and kill pregnant woman.

U.S. forces killed two Iraqi women — one of them about to give birth — when the troops shot at a car that failed to stop at an observation post in a city north of Baghdad, Iraqi officials and relatives said Wednesday. Nabiha Nisaif Jassim, 35, was being raced to the maternity hospital in Samarra by her brother when the shooting occurred Tuesday.

I can hear the wingnuts now: She could've been hiding a bomb under her dress. Ya never know. And hey, that kill was a 2-for-1!

I wonder if this would've happened had the forces NOT been on their third or fourth tour of duty.

Separated at birth.

CSF_4186w

cheney

At least the silverback has social skills.

(hat tip to Missouri Bird for the grand gorilla)

I should fucking HOPE so!

Bush troubled by reports of Iraq killings

"I am troubled by the initial news stories," Bush said. "I'm mindful that there's a thorough investigation going on. If in fact, laws were broken, there will be punishment."

Just like the person who leaked the information about Valerie Plame.

"Man, all this war stuff's really eatin' into my bike ridin' time."

grumpy gus
AP/Charles Dharapak

"Oh, George. Not the livestock."

Nice. Trot out the same ol' platitudes for future cannon fodder:

CANAAN -- Ten-year-old Emily Shrader was watching television in her father's tractor-trailer at the beginning of a trip from Maine to Florida when she decided to get involved in her nation's foreign policy.

. . .

Thinking about the children whose father or mother will never came back made her sad.

"It was upsetting to see that the war keeps on going on and on and so many people keep on dying," she said.

She was surprised when she received a letter back from the president.

The letter defends the war in general terms and is signed George W. Bush. It explains that American military forces removed a threat to peace by ending Sadaam Hussein's rule.

"Democracy is on the march in Iraq .... I encourage you to support these service men and women who are willing to sacrifice for a cause greater than self," wrote the president.


"Would ya like an autographed picture, too?"


AFP/Tim Sloan


full story here, via Think Progress.

It's bad enough having the real one

touring on his own inverted version of the comedy circuit. Can we put this one away already?


AP/Jae C. Hong

Yesterday.

I witnessed the most base attack on two of my dear friends, Thersites and NYMary, by a rightwing lunatic who just simply cannot accept the fact that he's wrong. It was such an ugly, disgusting incident that I considered leaving the blogosphere for a while because there is no way to argue with "I know you are, but what am I?" logic.

I'm not going to repeat the innumerable slanders, but suffice it to say, this lunatic, who professed to sign something called an "online integrity pledge," outed both of my friends on his site, thus exposing them to possible retaliation at work and at home. All of this because he espouses an often-dismissed aspect of literary theory and was made to look the fool by Thers. Yes, Thersites used coarse language to describe the blogger's inability to comprehend why his theory doesn't fly; this is the Internet and if you can't handle coarse language, I'd recommend taking up some other hobby where your virgin ears will never be pierced by an expletive.

Moreover, he was mightily offended when the couple's friends came to their defense, sullying his pristine site with various forms of logical argument and invective. His "minions" responded in kind, and worse. Not once did Thersites attack the blogger's family. The blogger's "orcs" elected to take the low road, dragging Thers' wife and their children through the mud, even though they were not participants in the debate between Thers and the rightwing blogger (I'm not even going to give him the pleasure of a link, because this whole dust-up gave him far more traffic than he deserves). And then one of them did a little sleuthing and outed Thers and NYMary, giving their email addresses and where they work. While the blogger redacted some of the information, he left the rest there for the world to see.

As was pointed out last night over at Eschaton, it's typical alpha male behavior, the weaker boys yelling out insults from behind the bigger schoolyard bully, and representative of the behavior of the Right in general. Don't bother with the facts or the law; just go straight to pounding the podium.

Frankly, I'd like to pound the paste-eater and his followers in the head. Repeatedly. But that's only because i'm not a literary theorist.

"Hey, how come I don't got

any more lines to say?"


AP/Charles Dharapak

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

"I taste copper."

NTodd is so close to his goal, he can almost TASTE it! And it tastes like . . . Luden's™ cherry cough drops? Really?

Go visit. Tell him he's funny and that his pets are really cute. And that you dig guys who know Morse Code.

Because if you don't, we're never going to hear the end of it.

And when he realizes that

he is not portrayed as a "hero," will he cut the screening short?

Bush screens 'Flight 93' for victims' families at White House.

"You're a coward."

my-pet-goat

It's been a crappy day.

But this made me smile.

pantaloons

photo courtesy the usual place.

Oh, terrific.

Thanks to Bush, Uber Goiter may be another $160 million richer:

Pointing to data indicating that 99 percent of the estate tax is paid by the highest-earning 5 percent of Americans, a report released by the Democrats indicates that CEO's of major oil companies stood to gain significantly from a repeal. Democrats' estimates put oil company gains at at least a "$200 million windfall." The family of one oil executive, Lee Raymond, alone stood to receive a tax break worth over $160 million.


(photo courtesy www.commondreams.org)

full story here.

The Boy in the Bubble

"President Bush learned of reports that U.S. Marines killed two dozen unarmed Iraqi civilians [in Haditha] only after reporters began asking questions, the White House said Tuesday."

Revolting.



UPDATE: Here's the link. Sorry 'bout that; work was pulling me in six different directions this afternoon.

You crazy bastards.

It's not bad enough running a marathon (I've done it, I know), but ON MOUNT EVEREST?!

crazy bastards

And so the Alitozation of the SCOTUS begins.

Government whistleblowers are fucked.

Today, the Court took that very signifiant step, holding that "when public employees make statements pursuant to their official duties, the employees are not speaking as citizens for First Amendment purposes, and the Constitution does not insulate their communications from employer discipline." This apparently means that employees may be disciplined for their official capacity speech, without any First Amendment scrutiny, and without regard to whether it touches on matters of "public concern" -- a very significant doctrinal development.

I was grouchy when I woke up. This doesn't help.

Wow, the normally unhinged

and opportunistic Michelle Malkin sees a small ray of light:

On May 18th, I was one of many bloggers on the Right to condemn Democrat Rep. John Murtha for blabbing about the still-not-complete investigation of alleged war atrocities by Marines at Haditha. . . . Since Murtha's widely broadcast accusations of Marines killing civilians "in cold blood," at least one other congressional rep--GOP Rep. John Kline of Minnesota--has jumped the gun and gone on record issuing conclusions about what happened at Haditha before reports are finalized and hearings are convened. Bad. There are also anonymous military sources leaking like crazy. And now the families of two Marines in the unit at issue have come forward with details.

I have been as outspoken as anyone about the anti-war, cut-and-run agenda, and the MSM's abetting of it. But as military officials acknowledge the existence of not one, but two, investigations into the incident at Haditha--one into the happenings on that fateful Nov. 19 day and the other into an alleged cover-up--it's time to move past the easy bashing of the motives of Rep. Murtha and his ilk. . . .

The investigations are still ongoing. That's not an excuse to ignore or dismiss the extensive reporting on the story. Yes, it's mostly one-sided at this point. But if, if, even a fraction of it is true, it deserves the most vehement condemnation and most severe punishment. Toddlers are dead.


Now I certainly wouldn't agree that the reportage is particularly "one sided," but hey, at least she's not calling for Murtha's head on a pike for speaking the truth or that the the media stop reporting on the situation immediately. And if she wants to believe that everything's just peachy in Iraq, that's her prerogative, although she might want to check with Jill Kimberly Dozier from CBS News about that. But there's no denying that the carnage that took place in Haditha is a crime and needs to be brought to light. Even Michelle Malkin can see that.

"Soon my plan will be complete.

An entire Cabinet comprised solely of bald men!"

Paulson
REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Bush struggles not to laugh whenever Secretary of the Treasury nominee Henry Paulson says "trickle down."

Aw, isn't that cute?

Little fundies blowing away people who don't believe in their faith. Sound familiar?

Left Behind: The Video Game.

Imagine: you are a foot soldier in a paramilitary group whose purpose is to remake America as a Christian theocracy, and establish its worldly vision of the dominion of Christ over all aspects of life. You are issued high-tech military weaponry, and instructed to engage the infidel on the streets of New York City. You are on a mission - both a religious mission and a military mission -- to convert or kill Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, gays, and anyone who advocates the separation of church and state - especially moderate, mainstream Christians. Your mission is "to conduct physical and spiritual warfare"; all who resist must be taken out with extreme prejudice. You have never felt so powerful, so driven by a purpose: you are 13 years old. You are playing a real-time strategy video game whose creators are linked to the empire of mega-church pastor Rick Warren, best selling author of The Purpose Driven Life.

hate

Monday, May 29, 2006

A tiger twofer.

I'm getting the spa treatment. Suckers!

nyah nyah!

This can only end badly.

tigr_lunch

(thanks to readers hugh nohoo and, um...I can't find the email for the top photo. Please ID yourself so I can thank you accordingly! leslie for the pix!)

"You mean it's not Veteran's Day?"

"D'oh!"

D'oh
AP/Charles Dharapak

Memorial Day.

What the fuck are you so happy about, you ghoul?


REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

I said it 20 years ago,

and I'll say it again now: Newsweek Magazine, blow it out your fatuous, sexist porthole. Stop trying to pigeonhole women.

Newsweek issues a weak 'Mea Culpa':

In "The Marriage Crunch," the magazine reported on new demographic research predicting that white, college-educated women who failed to marry in their 20s faced abysmal odds of ever tying the knot. According to the research, a woman who remained single at 30 had only a 20 percent chance of ever marrying. By 35, the probability dropped to 5 percent. In the story's most infamous line, NEWSWEEK reported that a 40-year-old single woman was "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever marry. That comparison wasn't in the study, and even in those pre-9/11 days, it struck many people as an offensive analogy. Nonetheless, it quickly became entrenched in pop culture and is still routinely cited in TV shows and news stories.

And you, along with mercenary assclowns like Faith Popcorn and those predators who wrote "The Rules" propagated the myth that all women really want is to be married and pregnant. By publishing this latest installment, you don't rectify your mistakes, you compound them.

So, to put it bluntly, just SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY! Report on something important, like how civil liberties and the Constitution itself is under attack, and maybe suggest some ways in which women can help solve the problem instead of longing for a redesigned kitchen or a bigger playroom for the kids. Leave this shit to Harlequin Romances.

Couldn't they give her a better hairdo?

I mean, really. They screwed up Laura's, too.

Laurabot


These school-age tots seem to be making friends with EveR-1, a female android that made her debut this month in South Korea. The robot was built by Baeg Moon-hong, a senior researcher with the Division for Applied Robot Technology at the Korea Institute of Industrial Technology (KITECH) in Ansan, just south of Seoul . . .

EveR-1 is designed to resemble a Korean female in her early 20s . . . . Fifteen motors underneath her silicon skin allow her to express a limited range of emotions, and a 400-word vocabulary enables her to hold a simple conversation.

The android weighs 110 pounds (50 kilograms) and would stand 5 feet, 3 inches (160 centimeters) tall—if she could stand. EveR-1 can move her arms and hands, but her lower half is immobile.


full story here.

(Hat tip to reader Lupin)

"Wheeee, airplane!"

Methinks someone's been tinkering with the dosage again.

Airplane
REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

Sunday, May 28, 2006

"Delusional righteousness."

An apt description for the bizarro mindset of the Codpiece in Chief:

It was patriotism, a sense of duty and a love of freedom that led Bush's West Point audience to enter our armed forces. It is that spirit, and that sacrifice, which we honor on Memorial Day. It's tragic that these young men and and women are being asked to clean up the mess that Bush himself made, to mend crockery that Bush himself broke, to pacify a terrorist breeding ground that Bush himself created. They are willing to risk their lives so that those who went before them to Iraq did not do so in vain; the disgrace is that it is Bush's vanity, not the cause of freedom, that makes their own sacrifice necessary.

It's a saving grace, I suppose, that Bush didn't wear a flight suit to address the graduating cadets. But dressing himself as Harry Truman is the rhetorical equivalent of borrowing a warrior's codpiece, and stuffing it with delusional righteousness.


"Whaddya mean, it's not all about me?"


AFP/Tim Sloan

full opinion here.

"He vas vearing a hat."*


REUTERS/Laszlo Balogh

* - the punchline to one of my favorite jokes:

Jewish grandmother is besides herself with excitement because her 5-year old grandson, her ONLY grandson, is coming down to Boca Raton to visit her. She rushes out and buys him a new wardrobe and a chest full of toys.

When he arrives, she dresses him in one of his new outfits and takes him down to the beach to show him off to her friends so they can kvell over him. She puts him down at the shoreline with a bucket and plastic shovel and goes back to her chair to watch him.

Suddenly, a freak wave comes in and washes the boy out to sea. Horrified, the grandmother rushes down to the water's edge and stands there, berating god.

"How can you do such a thing? He was my only grandson!! He was only 5 years old, and didn't get a chance to know his bubbe! What kind of God are you that you would do such a thing?!" This goes on for five minutes or so.

Suddenly, another freak wave comes in and sets the boy down, unharmed, at his grandmother's feet. Shocked, she looks him over, and then looks back up at the sky.

"He vas vearing a hat."

Separated at Birth?

Mary Ellen Miller, chairman of the Republican Party of Miami-Dade County:

balok?
AP/Mitchell Zachs

Balok, that scary dude from "Star Trek":

balok

McCain, bringing honor and

dignity to Congress.

Mr. Potato Head

You should see him fetch.

Tony Blair made significant changes to one of his most important foreign policy speeches after bowing to American objections, The Sunday Telegraph has learned.

The Prime Minister changed key passages on possible action against Iran, climate change, and a proposed shake-up of the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank.

Objections by President George W Bush's inner circle played a key role in the alterations, which were made just before Mr Blair delivered his landmark address at Georgetown University in Washington, on Friday, British sources have revealed.


"Fabulous! Now gimme a paw."

Lapdog
REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

full story here.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Andy "Oh What a" Card

shows why he was so beloved by Bush: JAZZ HANDS!

Jazz hands
AP/Charles Dharapak

Pardon me while my head 'splodes.

I know this story's been floating around for a couple of days, but still, every time I read it, I get pissed off all over again.

Blake Gottesman, a.k.a. “Peanut”, Special Assistant to the President and Personal Aide, is stepping down in August to attend Harvard Business School. It’s a great accomplishment considering the school only admits 10% to 15% of its applicants. But to even be considered for admission, the school states firmly at the top of its qualifications, a prospective student “must have completed a degree program at an accredited U.S. four-year undergraduate college/university.”

Peanut on the other hand, only attended college for one year, and never finished. He has, however, dated Jenna Bush, makes the President peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches, and dog-sits for Miss Beazley.


more here, plus a really great snap.

Cheney wows 'em at Annapolis.

Booo-ring
AP/Chris Gardner


No, seriously. He was speaking at the USNA.

"Gnarrrrrrrrr...."

For the third year in a row the Office of Vice President Dick Cheney has refused to disclose data on its classification and declassification activity, in an apparent violation of an executive order issued by President Bush.

I taste MANFLESH!
AP/Chris Park

full story here.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Abu Gonzales, panty-sniffer?

Get out of my goddamned lingerie drawer, you power-crazed perv!

In a private meeting with industry representatives, Gonzales, Mueller and other senior members of the Justice Department said Internet service providers should retain subscriber information and network data for two years, according to two sources familiar with the discussion who spoke on condition of anonymity.

"Um...what was this order you placed for 'Love Lube'?"


REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

Full story here.

"Hey, Laura's tired of Camp David,

and a man's got needs, heh heh heh."

BUSH
REUTERS/Larry Downing

Lords of the Dunce

dumberer
REUTERS/Larry Downing

What do YOU think?

I think they'll let the orphanage be sold to real estate developers.

3 Stooges

But not before making a great noise about how wrong that would be.

"Who da man?!

Who'd DA MAN?!"

I'm da man.
REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

"and I'm daid sexxxxxy!"

Senate confirms Hayden to head CIA.

Great.

Don't give one to anybody

in the Bush Administration, if they're ever to stand trial for war crimes:

Early 'Invisibility Cloak' Could Be 18 Months Away.

Maybe Saddam already had one, and that's what happened to the WMD's.

psss143

UPDATE: Bush doesn't realize he has to cover his head.

Bush invisible

Four score . . .

hey, did someone say "score"? Where?

Dr. AttaJ. Turk, snarkmeister and self-professed history buff, presents President Lincoln in a whole new light.

I heartily recommend the tutorial.

A Sing-Along

Meet Tony, who's lived most everywhere,
From Zanzibar to Barclay Square.

toothless

And Dubya who never left Crawford
Hated furrners from what he'd heard — What a crazy pair!

quiet self-reflection?
AP/Charles Dharapak

But they're cousins,
Identical cousins, yeah that's right.
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and . . . night.

twins
White House/Shealah Craighead

Where Tony adores to see Hong Kong,
The Ballet Russes, and to play ping pong,

tony_blair2

Our George loves to rock and roll,
A hot dog makes him lose control — and he'll steal your bong!

gannon2

Still, they're cousins,
Identical cousins and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike —

did it work?
REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

You can lose your mind,
When cousins are two of a kind.



("Patty Duke Show" lyrics - Sid Ramin/Bob Wells)

"Ah'm sorry ah talked tough.

No, really. Ah am."

Oh, i mean it.
REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

Thursday, May 25, 2006

"No he did NOT just call the

new Iraqi Prime Minister 'Malachai'."

No he diiiin't
REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

"Sorry, sir. Wrong department.

You want 'Ineptitude' on the 3rd floor."

Wrong floor
REUTERS/Jason Reed

I understand there's a blue light special over in "Dignity".

"So, any a'those medals fer

'divin'? Heh, heh, heh..."

man in a uniform
REUTERS/Larry Downing

"Kenny who?"

BushLies3KenLay

(hat tip to reader Timothy A!)

Does frowning in order to "pray"

get you better "God" reception or something?

hard work
REUTERS/Larry Downing